Crummy Rummy

This would be really amusing if Rumsfeld didn't actually have any responsibility, sigh.

Rumsfeld vs. Accountability

Round 1

Asked about the number of insurgents in Iraq, Rumsfeld replied: "I am not going to give you a number."

Looks like Rummy gave Accountability the slip, and now round 2.

Did he care to voice an opinion on efforts by U.S. pilots to seek damages from their imprisonment in Iraq? "I don't."

Whoa, the referee, Interest, has just fallen sick with AIDS and died. Rumsfeld can't be bothered to notice. Round 3.

Could he comment on what basing agreements he might seek in Iraq? "I can't."

Rummy gave a sharp jab to the left. Round 4.

How about the widely publicized cuts to programs for veterans? "I'm not familiar with the cuts you're referring to."

Now two right straights followed by a raspberry. Round 5.

How long will the war last? "There's never been a war that was predictable as to length, casualty or cost in the history of mankind."

Rumsfeld lands a left uppercut on Accountability! In the stands, Disbelief faints! Round 6.

When Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) mentioned an estimate of the costs for increases in troops' death benefits and life insurance, Rumsfeld said: "I've never heard that number."

Rummy kicks Accountability in the crotch and it looks like Accountability is down hard and hurting. Round 7.

Rumsfeld responded to Rep. J. Randy Forbes (R-Va.) as he often scolds journalists: "You had so many questions there. Now let me see if I can pull out another one." As the exchange with Forbes continued, Rumsfeld requested: "Could you speak up a little bit?"

After kicking a downed Accountability hard, the new referee, Transparency, urges Rumsfeld to get back to his corner, but Rumsfeld has taken a deaf ear to the rules. Round 8.

Rep. Walter B. Jones Jr. (R-N.C.) pressed Rumsfeld on whether he had talked with an aide who was quoted last month as saying Congress had been too generous in expanding military retirement benefits. "No, I have not, nor have I seen the statement that you've quoted in the context that it might have been included," the defense secretary replied.

Rumsfeld is now running rings around Accountability and hitting him with spitballs. Round 9.

When the ranking Democrat on the House Armed Services Committee, Rep. Ike Skelton (Mo.), asked about the number of insurgents in Iraq, the secretary said, "I am not going to give you a number for it because it's not my business to do intelligent work." (He presumably meant to say "intelligence.") Ultimately, Rumsfeld admitted he had estimates at his fingertips. "I've got two in front of me," he said.

"Could you share those with us?" Skelton inquired.

Not just now, Rumsfeld said. "They're classified."

Rumsfeld, apparently bored with the match, takes out a gun and shoots both Accountability and Transparency. The crowd starts booing Rumsfeld.

Two dozen members of the House Armed Services Committee had not yet had their turn to question Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld at yesterday's hearings when he decided he had had enough.

At 12:54, he announced that at 1 p.m. he would be taking a break and then going to another hearing in the Senate. "We're going to have to get out and get lunch and get over there," he said. When the questioning continued for four more minutes, Rumsfeld picked up his briefcase and began to pack up his papers.

Before he can be lynched Rummy vanishes into thin air! Oh!

All quotes taken from the WaPo.